Five (5) things you only understand after being CHEATED ON

There are some lessons that you learn in life from things that you never want to go through with yourself but, life isn’t a basket of roses and odds are that you have gone through them more than once and learnt something from them maybe even on a small-scale or quite a huge one, but learnt nevertheless. Like you never knew that jumping off of the stairs with an umbrella because it worked for the pink panther, would land you with a cast but it taught you a lesson to never imitate stuff which defies physics and you started listening to your parents more often or like that time when you knew getting too close to that specific guy would leave you heartbroken, but you still went ahead with it because in that moment, he made you feel better than you have ever felt or even like that time when the same guy lied to you and took you for granted yet somehow, he had the audacity to make you feel like you were the reason for the break up.

We all learn lessons from the circumstances which we encounter throughout our lives. Some might leave us with beautiful memories which we constantly replay in our minds while others can be pretty painful and we wish and try our hardest to forget about them completely. Either way, good or bad, at the end of the day we emerge as better people by learning and moving forward from those memories.

Similarly, when someone has been cheated on, it feels as if they have been teleported into this whole new world where nothing is like how it used to be. The definition of love is completely changed forever. A reality that they had always heard about but thought that they had gone through the necessary precautions to never have to come face to face with themselves. They might feel alone and feel like no one is either like them or getting them. Honestly, there are many people like that and perhaps by hearing my experiences, you’ll learn some yourselves.

Betrayal is another word for cheating because let’s face it, the trust is lost and it sucks which destroys a lot of happy memories or plans mercilessly, but it also reveals many realities to us which makes us stronger and better people than before.

These are some facts that I learned when I was cheated on as well, and not once but twice, and here is why I feel bittersweet about them. Bitter because I mean, I was cheated on but sweet because:

1. You finally understand that sometimes love actually does go to waste

The harsh reality of this world is that some of your actions are rewarded and some are just wasted no matter how much you poured your heart into them. You cannot figure out why it happened and why to you. You can’t ever really get the answer to the question you will constantly ask yourself after being cheated on, “Why me?” You can think about it all you want to look in every direction of your ‘happy’ relationship but won’t be able to find the answer. I have an answer to that, you loved way too hard and way too much, you thought about the future and day dreamed about life with your partner, you gave all that you had to give and you didn’t think twice because that was your kind of selfless love, and this type of pure and innocent love does not deserve somebody who cannot even be loyal or decent enough towards you.

You honestly need to be thankful, well not right away but at some point you’ll realise that it happened for the best. You gave your all to someone and they cheated on you, sure it’ll break you at some places but you’ll manage to get back up, pick up the pieces and realise your worth and also realise that your love needs to be given to someone who can and will cherish it no matter what.

2. You realise that you are stronger than you thought

When faced with a heart breaking situation like this, you realise you have more guts and strength than you ever gave yourself credit for and just enough to pull yourself through all of it. I’ll admit it sucks and that it’ll hurt as much as you loved or probably more but don’t you see what that means? It wasn’t your fault! That thought shouldn’t even cross your mind, not ever. Once you realise that the only mistake you ever made was being with that excuse of a partner.

You are strong enough to take that punch in your heart and still hold yourself together. Crying over it or feeling like your life is over won’t do you any good. Who can proudly say that grieving over someone who cheated on them helped? No one can because they all know that in this situation you’re not the one to blame. You start to have faith in yourself because now you know that there is one person who cannot betray you and that is you!

3. People who love you might end up hurting you

It is not a perfect world and you have got to put up with the flaws, hurdles and occasional turbulence. Sometimes you just got to understand and realise the fact that people who love you can potentially hurt you as well. They might not mean to, they might not even want to but they might give in to their temptations.

Don’t forget that when they cheat, they also learn the lesson of shame and guilt (although most of them won’t because well, it isn’t a perfect world). If they truly have learned their lesson, you will find within yourself the strength to forgive them maybe not trust them ever again since that’s gone and won’t come back so easily but surprisingly, you’ll learn to forgive just not forget. If they haven’t, then you have learned another lesson about how sometimes you can fall for the wrong kind of person.

4. Cheating can take a huge toll on your self-esteem

Was he better than me?

Was I not enough?

Am I a failure when it comes to relationship?

Will I be alone forever?

Do I deserve this?

Was it my fault?

All of these questions will cloud your mind and will be a bullying your confidence. You will be able to feel how your belief and faith on true love will have started staggering just because of someone else’s betrayal. Some people aren’t strong, some people are oblivious and some just don’t understand how their fairytale romance can go all into flames. Never tell a person who doubts themselves after such a situation to just get over it.

They will have to get over it themselves. This is exactly when you have got on to defeat this, don’t let it affecting you anymore. Don’t let it snatch away more from you. Fight it with every speck of your soul. You have already been through a lot don’t let this mess with your head too. They cheated not you. You need to remind yourself of that every time that you feel low. They cheated. It wasn’t you.

5. You become a better judge of character

You have seen way too much, been through a lot and now you know what the real world has to offer along with all of the good things. You will realise that where there are good days, there are bad as well and sometimes both in the same week. You will now take every step very carefully in your relationship so that you don’t ever hurt someone like you have been hurt nor will you give yourself away so easily to get hurt yourself. You will now understand the need of establishing each other’s importance and value. This in time will allow you to open up to loving and trusting someone again.

Although, cheating can teach you a lot of things that you won’t truly understand otherwise but I honestly hope that you don’t have to go through it, ever. If you do, remember that the most important person for you at that moment is you, so value yourself and get yourself what you deserve. Don’t hold grudges, no matter how much it hurt you, believe in karma that might get you through the day but just let things go and let them become a memory in your mind.

Talk to me

So now that you know about all of the things which I learnt after my breakup, I would like to know about some of the things that you learnt after yours. The truth is that everyone goes through different kinds of circumstances and situations and your lessons might vary from mine but nevertheless, I would really like to know about them in the comments.

What did you learn?

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